Top 10 Reasons to Train Capoeira on Zero Hours of Sleep

2 02 2008

Do you have too much to do?  Too many committments to keep?  Are you barely training enough as it is, with still more piling onto your plate?  It’s hard to get enough sleep when you have a million tasks to complete each day, but here are the top ten reasons for why being completely sleep-deprived will not only not disturb your capoeira training, but may actually improve it!

10. You’ll be too sleep-deprived to be bothered by any mistakes or gaffs you make (which is a good thing, since you’ll probably make many).

9. You know that high you get from doing capoeira?  Well, now you can look and feel high as you feel yourself trembling all over while trying to hold a simple ginga stance.

Training capoeira after pulling an all-nighter will make you feel like you're in a different world...8. Face your fears: have you ever wondered how scary it might be to have slow esquiva reflexes while a flying martelo rotado comes at you?  Well, now you get to find out!  (Alternatively, test your reflexes: since you won’t have the mental capacity to esquiva consciously, see how well your body does the work for you!)

7. Crushed fingers, stomped toes, bruised shins—training on no sleep gives you a great opportunity to rack up all those battle wounds you can later brag you got “from training capoeira”!

6. If you’re a regional capoeirista, this will be a good chance to try some angola, as all your movements will naturally be done at the suitable speed.

5. All your partners will thank you for giving them good teaching experience, as they’ll be masters after getting the zombie-formerly-known-as-you to understand the sequences you’re supposed to be working on.

4. That throbbing dizziness in your head is good practice for continuing the game even after you get a real concussion.

3. You won’t give away anything in the roda, as your face will be too tired to make any expressions.  Furthermore, your eyes will be too small or squinted for your opponent to properly look into them and thus “read” your movements. 

2. You’ll be forced to give yourself a good work-out the whole time, since if you stop moving for more than thirty seconds, you will fall asleep.

1. No matter how tired, how sleep-deprived, or how dead you were at the start, by the end of class you will still feel like you’ve just woken up from the best sleep you ever had.

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Just for Fun: Capoeira Pick-up Lines

29 01 2008

(Warning: Use at your own risk.  Mandingueira does not condone the use of nor will be held responsible for any and all events that occur inside or outside the roda as a direct or indirect result of these lines.)

Are you a capoeirista?  Because you just turned my world upside-down.

You must have lots of mandinga, because I’ve fallen under your spell!

That’s too bad that you lost your pandeiro, but if you want you can bang me instead.

If I play you hard enough in the roda, will you go volta ao mundo with me?

Hi, are you an angoleiro/a?  That’s great, ’cause I’m regional—what say we get together and be contemporary?

I’m surprised you have an apelido, because to me you are indescribable!

You know, your abada would be cleaner if you didn’t wear it at all.

If I gave you rasteira would that sweep you off your feet?

Update: I think there may have been some confusion…I haven’t actually heard or read these anywhere.  I made them up, just for fun…in the spirit of “I’m a fermata—hold me” and “I wish I were your derivative…”, etc. …hence the disclaimer!  Sorry about that!

Murphy Was a Capoeirista

18 12 2007

These are some capoeira maxims I came up with just for fun a while ago,  inspired by Murphy’s Laws.  I don’t know how widely they apply to capoeiristas in general, but in my training experience, I’ve lived by them! 

Muy Thai's Tony Jaa takes on capoeira's Lateef Crowder in The Protector 

Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.

1. The longer and the harder you work at doing something right, the higher the chances are that you’ll be caught out the one time you do it wrong.

2. The degree of certainty with which your teacher states something is directly proportional to the likelihood that they mean the exact opposite or something else entirely. Exceptions to this are when it is equal to the degree of certainty with which another teacher tells you the exact opposite, or something else entirely.

3. The amount of rushing you do to arrive at an event on time directly influences the lateness with which it will begin, increasing the exact amount of rushing you did not have to do. This is also known as the Universal Theory of Brazilian Time Dilation.

4. The class(es) you miss, no matter where, when, or why, will always, categorically, and unconditionally be the class(es) you most wish you had attended

5. A watched student never moves. (Note: This law is only ever concluded by teachers through empirical evidence and inductive reasoning, due to a freak coincidence of constant impeccable timing between the exact moment a student tires out and the exact moment a teacher checks across the room.)